aaaahhhh.....the truth.....
How many of our old patterns and habits are not based in the truth?
How many agreements have we made with our lower self, or hidden contracts we've made with our ego?
The things we tell ourselves over and over that the people around us get sick of hearing?
The little list of lies I believe to be true......
1.I'm too fat to wear a bikini.
2.I'm a bad mother.
3.I'm not loving enough.
4.Oh the list goes on and on and on and on....
...but these are all lies. Things I choose to believe, when I know they aren't the truth.
Tuesday, 18 October 2011
Monday, 17 October 2011
Mountains in my Backyard.
Day 13...be present...
This is all there is. No tomorrow or yesterday. Just now.
This moment is unlike anything you've experienced before or ever will again.
When you are in the now, there is no past to haunt you, or pull you back, or overcome. There is no future to wish for, or race towards.
This is as good as it gets.
When you are present, you feel your feelings, (like the goosebumps when someone you love shares an epiphany), you listen to your body, you taste your food, (ever notice how much better food tastes in the quiet, not at a noisy restaurant making sure the kids are behaving), you express yourself, (things just all of the sudden make sense, or answers come clearly to you).
Of course, the past informs and teaches, and the future inspires us, but the moment of choice is the here and now.
This is all there is. No tomorrow or yesterday. Just now.
This moment is unlike anything you've experienced before or ever will again.
When you are in the now, there is no past to haunt you, or pull you back, or overcome. There is no future to wish for, or race towards.
This is as good as it gets.
When you are present, you feel your feelings, (like the goosebumps when someone you love shares an epiphany), you listen to your body, you taste your food, (ever notice how much better food tastes in the quiet, not at a noisy restaurant making sure the kids are behaving), you express yourself, (things just all of the sudden make sense, or answers come clearly to you).
Of course, the past informs and teaches, and the future inspires us, but the moment of choice is the here and now.
Sunday, 16 October 2011
Risky Business
I never had the opportunity to travel as a child. As an adult, I craved travel, change, excitement of any kind. I hated boredom, for me it led to depression and so I was always trying to keep that at bay. I remember telling the lady who babysat the boys (I went back to work part time, to fund my hiking adventures) about whatever adventure I was dreaming of, and she said to me "You have the worst case of wanderlust I have ever seen". That was the first time I had heard that word and I owned it with pride.
......Wanderlust.......
My travels with O were adventurous and nerve wracking. This was before the internet and maps on our phones, we had a rental car and a rental car map and tried to navigate our way through numerous locales. Our hilarious habit would be to stop at a gas station and ask "what town is this?" (We really didn't know where we were)
I wonder how we ever got anywhere in hindsight. But these are what adventures are made of.....oh the fun we'd have......how alive we felt....
......Wanderlust.......
My travels with O were adventurous and nerve wracking. This was before the internet and maps on our phones, we had a rental car and a rental car map and tried to navigate our way through numerous locales. Our hilarious habit would be to stop at a gas station and ask "what town is this?" (We really didn't know where we were)
I wonder how we ever got anywhere in hindsight. But these are what adventures are made of.....oh the fun we'd have......how alive we felt....
Saturday, 15 October 2011
It is What it is.......
Acceptance
Day 11
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference
I had this taped to my fridge for years......
Today we accept all that we are, all that we've been and all that we will be in the future.
Our past is our past, it will never be any thing different, there is nothing we can do to change it..
IT IS WHAT IT IS.......(lifepartners most favorite mantra)
Day 11
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference
I had this taped to my fridge for years......
Today we accept all that we are, all that we've been and all that we will be in the future.
Our past is our past, it will never be any thing different, there is nothing we can do to change it..
IT IS WHAT IT IS.......(lifepartners most favorite mantra)
Friday, 14 October 2011
A Little Help Please?
There's a Rascal Flatts song I came across a few months ago called "I Won't Let Go"
I downloaded it on my phone and played it constantly. I believe it was written by the songwriter for a child from a parent, or a song for a lover, but as time went on, I began to see it from a higher perspective.
The words go something like this....I will stand by you, I will help you through, when you've done all you can do, and you can't cope, I will dry your eyes, I will fight your fight, I will hold you tight and I won't let go......you think you're lost, but you're not lost, on your own, you're not alone....don't be afraid to fall, I'm right here to catch you, I won't let you down, you're gonna make it....
I downloaded it on my phone and played it constantly. I believe it was written by the songwriter for a child from a parent, or a song for a lover, but as time went on, I began to see it from a higher perspective.
The words go something like this....I will stand by you, I will help you through, when you've done all you can do, and you can't cope, I will dry your eyes, I will fight your fight, I will hold you tight and I won't let go......you think you're lost, but you're not lost, on your own, you're not alone....don't be afraid to fall, I'm right here to catch you, I won't let you down, you're gonna make it....
Thursday, 13 October 2011
I Do.
Day 9 responsibility.
Good! Something easy.
Today we perform a marriage ceremony to ourselves.
I promise to love, honor, protect and respect the new, beautiful me that I have become.
I recognize that it is my job, and my job only, to care for this new adult that has decided her purpose is to tend to her hearts desires.
I will cherish and nurture myself, and see to my own happiness.
I have the power vested in me, to change the way I think, act, and move.
I set the boundaries, make the rules, decide to let go, and open up to possibility.
I am the guide, I know the way, I will deliver my desires. No one can do this for me or better than me.
I take myself by the hand, in my big-girl shoes and take the steps I need to take to live my best life.
Phew, what a day, I love my life.
Good! Something easy.
Today we perform a marriage ceremony to ourselves.
I promise to love, honor, protect and respect the new, beautiful me that I have become.
I recognize that it is my job, and my job only, to care for this new adult that has decided her purpose is to tend to her hearts desires.
I will cherish and nurture myself, and see to my own happiness.
I have the power vested in me, to change the way I think, act, and move.
I set the boundaries, make the rules, decide to let go, and open up to possibility.
I am the guide, I know the way, I will deliver my desires. No one can do this for me or better than me.
I take myself by the hand, in my big-girl shoes and take the steps I need to take to live my best life.
Phew, what a day, I love my life.
Wednesday, 12 October 2011
The Past Died. The Funeral was Expensive.
Week one is over. I'm exhausted.
We've dealt with the past. We've learned why we've suffered that our suffering is rooted in misconception. We've learned that we are running on a treadmill to exhaustion trying to find something better or different than we already have.
We are still trying to squeeze ourselves into shoes that no longer fit.
These shoes are symbolic of who we were in the past.
They no longer fit.
We hide our greatness by wearing those old tight shoes, staying in jobs, relationships or habits that diminish us.
But these tight shoes are comfortable in a way, right? They've been with us when we've fallen to our knees, been knocked down with heartbreak and disappointment. They've seen our bruises from the painful moments, so out of fear we cling desperately to what we know. We can't even stand up in these stupid shoes, they are full of holes. But we hold onto them....Why?
We've dealt with the past. We've learned why we've suffered that our suffering is rooted in misconception. We've learned that we are running on a treadmill to exhaustion trying to find something better or different than we already have.
We are still trying to squeeze ourselves into shoes that no longer fit.
These shoes are symbolic of who we were in the past.
They no longer fit.
We hide our greatness by wearing those old tight shoes, staying in jobs, relationships or habits that diminish us.
But these tight shoes are comfortable in a way, right? They've been with us when we've fallen to our knees, been knocked down with heartbreak and disappointment. They've seen our bruises from the painful moments, so out of fear we cling desperately to what we know. We can't even stand up in these stupid shoes, they are full of holes. But we hold onto them....Why?
Tuesday, 11 October 2011
The Day I Met My Goddess.
Day 7-Today we acknowledge ourselves. Yay!!!
Take a moment to consider how great you are. See how quickly you will release the past and rise out of hopelessness. As you affirm your gifts and strengths, your confidence will increase and the future will be brighter.
What do you value about yourself?.. the courageous actions you have taken, the things you have accomplished...
Go decade by decade and literally make a list, when you get the last few years go month by month.
Ask your friends and family what they love most about you and what they will remember about you when you die.
Take a moment to consider how great you are. See how quickly you will release the past and rise out of hopelessness. As you affirm your gifts and strengths, your confidence will increase and the future will be brighter.
What do you value about yourself?.. the courageous actions you have taken, the things you have accomplished...
Go decade by decade and literally make a list, when you get the last few years go month by month.
Ask your friends and family what they love most about you and what they will remember about you when you die.
Monday, 10 October 2011
Don't Be Afraid of the Dark
I have the most amazing friend Jenna. I have known her for 20 years, and for the last 5 years, she has been battling the leukemia that entered her son when he was 3 1/2. The diagnosis came on Christmas Day.
Months before that, she knew he was not quite right. Was he a genious? Autistic? Either way, she had noticed a change in his dispositon, and recurring sicknesses and started looking into it.
Earlier that summer, she was given an inheritance and booked her dream hike in Argentina, to be departing on Dec 22 for a month. She paid for the hike, met with the training team and scoured the local mountains like the overachiever she is. Then she stumbled in the scree, fell and hurt her wrist badly. So badly, she felt she needed to cancel going to Argentina. With the refund, and the new difficulties she was having parenting an increasingly agitated toddler, she used the money to go to therapy. Not just any therapy, but a camp in the woods where you recieve about 10 years of therapy in a week of seclusion. She emerged a new person. So calm and whole, able to handle the fits of the son, able to meditate and ask for guidance. She was amazing.
A mere few months later, when the luekemia diagnosis came, she had what she needed to cope. She went to the hospital, administered the treatments, wrote a book, spoke to the media, with a grace and confidence that puzzled the rest of us. Because she was housebound, we spent hours on the phone, and her one constant knowing was this...EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR OUR GREATER GOOD.
Months before that, she knew he was not quite right. Was he a genious? Autistic? Either way, she had noticed a change in his dispositon, and recurring sicknesses and started looking into it.
Earlier that summer, she was given an inheritance and booked her dream hike in Argentina, to be departing on Dec 22 for a month. She paid for the hike, met with the training team and scoured the local mountains like the overachiever she is. Then she stumbled in the scree, fell and hurt her wrist badly. So badly, she felt she needed to cancel going to Argentina. With the refund, and the new difficulties she was having parenting an increasingly agitated toddler, she used the money to go to therapy. Not just any therapy, but a camp in the woods where you recieve about 10 years of therapy in a week of seclusion. She emerged a new person. So calm and whole, able to handle the fits of the son, able to meditate and ask for guidance. She was amazing.
A mere few months later, when the luekemia diagnosis came, she had what she needed to cope. She went to the hospital, administered the treatments, wrote a book, spoke to the media, with a grace and confidence that puzzled the rest of us. Because she was housebound, we spent hours on the phone, and her one constant knowing was this...EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR OUR GREATER GOOD.
Sunday, 9 October 2011
Superstar
Day 5- finally an easy day......
I was an overweight child.
I was always the tallest, fastest, strongest, best athlete. I got the red ribbons, the trophies for mvp, the captain of the team. I served out entire volleyball games, and made the three point shot when it mattered. I played every sport, ran between school, sports, and babysitting. When high school ended, I went to post secondary, but lacked the confidence to try out for any sports teams. I took up running. I met O, and we blissfully ran everyday, and ran many races. We played ladies soccer, and soon took up hiking. We would hike anywhere we could, once I moved away from her, (worst day of my life) we would meet in the mountains as often as possible. I kept running, kickboxing, taking self defense classes. During my pregnancies, I would workout everyday, then after the babies, returned to my pre baby body in a mere 6 weeks. I played ladies basketball, went to bootcamps, joined a gym, got a personal trainer, became a personal trainer, morphed my body into an amazingly strong vessel and continued to do increasingly more difficult hikes, sea kayaking, mountain biking, triathlons and crazy mountain half marathons. Oh and yoga, not the relaxing kind, but the stand on your head, do a wheel over my partners legs while he lays on the ground......yeah.....
I was an overweight child.
I was always the tallest, fastest, strongest, best athlete. I got the red ribbons, the trophies for mvp, the captain of the team. I served out entire volleyball games, and made the three point shot when it mattered. I played every sport, ran between school, sports, and babysitting. When high school ended, I went to post secondary, but lacked the confidence to try out for any sports teams. I took up running. I met O, and we blissfully ran everyday, and ran many races. We played ladies soccer, and soon took up hiking. We would hike anywhere we could, once I moved away from her, (worst day of my life) we would meet in the mountains as often as possible. I kept running, kickboxing, taking self defense classes. During my pregnancies, I would workout everyday, then after the babies, returned to my pre baby body in a mere 6 weeks. I played ladies basketball, went to bootcamps, joined a gym, got a personal trainer, became a personal trainer, morphed my body into an amazingly strong vessel and continued to do increasingly more difficult hikes, sea kayaking, mountain biking, triathlons and crazy mountain half marathons. Oh and yoga, not the relaxing kind, but the stand on your head, do a wheel over my partners legs while he lays on the ground......yeah.....
Saturday, 8 October 2011
Forgiveness=Freedom
Forgiveness. yes!
I've been waiting for this.
I've known forgiveness was key to happiness, and have wanted to explore it for quite some time, but the intellect in me couldn't just airy-fairy globally forgive anyone who has ever hurt me and in return ask for their forgiveness..
I need structure.
I did however, add to my daily visualization list the little thing from the Lords prayer "forgive me for my tresspasses as I forgive those who trespass against me" but that was as far as I got.
I'm not really a prayer person, I like to visualize and write and set intentions. Not that different, but in my mind it differentiates me from being "religious" and better defines me as "on a spiritual path".
I've been waiting for this.
I've known forgiveness was key to happiness, and have wanted to explore it for quite some time, but the intellect in me couldn't just airy-fairy globally forgive anyone who has ever hurt me and in return ask for their forgiveness..
I need structure.
I did however, add to my daily visualization list the little thing from the Lords prayer "forgive me for my tresspasses as I forgive those who trespass against me" but that was as far as I got.
I'm not really a prayer person, I like to visualize and write and set intentions. Not that different, but in my mind it differentiates me from being "religious" and better defines me as "on a spiritual path".
Friday, 7 October 2011
Taking off my Backpack
Day 3
There are these shows on tv, Hoarders and Consumed, about people who fill their houses and basements with stuff, and grow attached to this stuff, and it becomes part of who they are. Being that I am new to the concept of daytime tv, I've only watched one complete episode of Consumed, (actually the same episode twice in one day) Which now using it as a comparison in my writing I know why.
We all know the concept, help shows up, the hoarder becomes kind of nutty, wanting the help but yet resisting losing something that defines her. The show progresses, all the clutter is gone, everyone is happy, small kids running through the newly cleared out living room playing with the one leftover box...happiness and freedom flows through the air like a summer breeze. For the icing on the cake, they uncover a treadmill, she starts working out and sheds 20 pounds before the end of the episode.
We all love shows about human transformation....
There are these shows on tv, Hoarders and Consumed, about people who fill their houses and basements with stuff, and grow attached to this stuff, and it becomes part of who they are. Being that I am new to the concept of daytime tv, I've only watched one complete episode of Consumed, (actually the same episode twice in one day) Which now using it as a comparison in my writing I know why.
We all know the concept, help shows up, the hoarder becomes kind of nutty, wanting the help but yet resisting losing something that defines her. The show progresses, all the clutter is gone, everyone is happy, small kids running through the newly cleared out living room playing with the one leftover box...happiness and freedom flows through the air like a summer breeze. For the icing on the cake, they uncover a treadmill, she starts working out and sheds 20 pounds before the end of the episode.
We all love shows about human transformation....
Thursday, 6 October 2011
The Bad things that Good People do.
Ugh day 2. -seriously 19 more days of healing? groan....
This one was tough. I have previously read about the shadow effect and self sabotage and found it fascinating to discover how we will shoot ourselves in the foot, self sabotage, in order to change the situation we are in when we don't know how to get out. Deepak Chopra desribes this shadow side, giving examples of superstar athletes who have it all, and lose it all over a few incidences of indiscretion. Or the movie star or music star falls from stardom (or dies) due to drugs and alcohol when they have access to all of the help they need.
Within us lies a great body of pain and suffering, and if we don't honor this, face these demons, and move out of the darkness on our own, darn it, this "pain-body" will grow so large it will overcome us, do something completely out of character and destroy life as we know it.
Welcome to the shadow side.
This one was tough. I have previously read about the shadow effect and self sabotage and found it fascinating to discover how we will shoot ourselves in the foot, self sabotage, in order to change the situation we are in when we don't know how to get out. Deepak Chopra desribes this shadow side, giving examples of superstar athletes who have it all, and lose it all over a few incidences of indiscretion. Or the movie star or music star falls from stardom (or dies) due to drugs and alcohol when they have access to all of the help they need.
Within us lies a great body of pain and suffering, and if we don't honor this, face these demons, and move out of the darkness on our own, darn it, this "pain-body" will grow so large it will overcome us, do something completely out of character and destroy life as we know it.
Welcome to the shadow side.
Wednesday, 5 October 2011
Desire
Good Morning Students.
Today our lesson is about desire. It is the spark of all the fires within us. Our desires are with us at birth, like a hidden treasure chest of possibilities for us to discover as we grow and evolve into who we are meant to be. Hence the term "God-given talent" ....
Desire is a natural motivator, a catalyst for change. Some very human (and personal) examples are the bride-to-be that quickly and easily loses weight (say 40lbs) just months before the wedding...the desire to look good in a dress in front of a crowd is greater than the desire to eat another cookies by george...
Today our lesson is about desire. It is the spark of all the fires within us. Our desires are with us at birth, like a hidden treasure chest of possibilities for us to discover as we grow and evolve into who we are meant to be. Hence the term "God-given talent" ....
Desire is a natural motivator, a catalyst for change. Some very human (and personal) examples are the bride-to-be that quickly and easily loses weight (say 40lbs) just months before the wedding...the desire to look good in a dress in front of a crowd is greater than the desire to eat another cookies by george...
Tuesday, 4 October 2011
Cleaning out my Closet
My yoga teacher has become one of my spirit guide-healer-gurus. She somehow knows the perfect thing to say to me in the perfect moment. I recently asked her to prepare a little guided meditation for me, just needed a little reminder to stay strong on this path. Instead, she gave me a book. The 21 Day Consciousness Cleanse. It is a gift from the universe, as is she, of this I have no doubt.
I was telling Naughty Lily about this process, and she asked if I was going to blog about it. I thought, God no, who would want to be a part of this? But I have come to know Naughty Lily as my voice of logic. She'd never admit it, but she is way more connected and brilliant than she'd ever give herself credit for. I adore her.
So today, with my new blogspot beckoning me, I will heed her recommendation, for she knows what I need when I do not...
The next 21 days will be about facing the darkness of my past, as well as its gifts and wisdoms, and in effect "give up" the self I've known myself to be...to create, you guessed it, a better me.
C'mon join me...it'll be a blast.
Of course, I will just write and share about the rainbows and butterflies...
I was telling Naughty Lily about this process, and she asked if I was going to blog about it. I thought, God no, who would want to be a part of this? But I have come to know Naughty Lily as my voice of logic. She'd never admit it, but she is way more connected and brilliant than she'd ever give herself credit for. I adore her.
So today, with my new blogspot beckoning me, I will heed her recommendation, for she knows what I need when I do not...
The next 21 days will be about facing the darkness of my past, as well as its gifts and wisdoms, and in effect "give up" the self I've known myself to be...to create, you guessed it, a better me.
C'mon join me...it'll be a blast.
Of course, I will just write and share about the rainbows and butterflies...
Thursday, 1 September 2011
The Experiment
I got to thinking about a part of the book "Eat, Pray, Love" where Liz Gilbert and her friend are naming people to put on a list or petition supporting her divorce and freedom. The exact details are a blur, but I can recall the concept of "collective belief" in something and the power that it holds.
A year ago, We met an author who explained to us in detail the mechanics of visualization, and that when we visualize together, it's almost supernatural, and indeed miracles happen.
Anyone who has a spare 20 seconds in their day today, tomorrow, and every day until further notice.....please send a happy thought our way, and we will be so grateful.
For a year, we have tried to visualize daily... living on our terms, simply and peacefully. We try to stay positive, and have faith that we are where we need to be. That there are great lessons that come with all challenges, and the rewards will be magnificent.
I've had some counseling. I know the only way to not look back with sadness is to look forward with hope. I literally have a new life unfolding before me, new surroundings, new energy, new goals and dreams, new challenges, new beginnings...
A new me. A better me.
The global visualization experiment begins.
A year ago, We met an author who explained to us in detail the mechanics of visualization, and that when we visualize together, it's almost supernatural, and indeed miracles happen.
Anyone who has a spare 20 seconds in their day today, tomorrow, and every day until further notice.....please send a happy thought our way, and we will be so grateful.
For a year, we have tried to visualize daily... living on our terms, simply and peacefully. We try to stay positive, and have faith that we are where we need to be. That there are great lessons that come with all challenges, and the rewards will be magnificent.
I've had some counseling. I know the only way to not look back with sadness is to look forward with hope. I literally have a new life unfolding before me, new surroundings, new energy, new goals and dreams, new challenges, new beginnings...
A new me. A better me.
The global visualization experiment begins.
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