Be Beautiful

I believe in following the rules of non-violence, taking the high road, only defending, never attacking or offending.
At times, in this adventure of being human, I question everything that I believe in.....

I reached out to my wonderful friend Mariah in a hope that she would offer me a word of comfort.
As always, she followed through.

Indeed, I am beautiful.

My Dream Job

The topic as of late in my life reinvention, has been -What do I want to do when I grow up?
What could I possibly do that would nourish me, and pay the bills?

I want to swim with the fishes.

Not just any fishes. Whale sharks.
They migrate once a year from somewhere to somewhere along the yucatan peninsula, and it just so happened the whale sharks were in Mexico this summer at the same time we were.
What a coincidence!
It was one of my most amazing life experiences EVER... And I have a had a really cool life.

We took a cab at 6am for a 2 hour ride to a marina. We took a speed boat for another 2 hours waaaaay out into the middle of the ocean. We found a pod of about 30 whale sharks that were bigger than our boats, like 30-40 ft long, 75-100 years old.

We put on snorkels, masks and fins.....

and jumped in to swim with them.

For hours, we finned along side of them, our hearts racing, we'd look beside us to have another one coming toward us, we'd swim along that one, catching its current.....we'd come up for a break, and then jump back in for more...I didn't want that day to end. I cried as we sped away from these beautiful prehistoric giants.

The End Game

Wow! 26 blog entries in 26 days. I always knew I was an overachiever, but c'mon...I'm not even a writer...
good thing I had this book to follow and share...What will I write about now? The daily goings on of a self employed stay at home mom? Oh groan.....I will have to think of something.

The book is done.
However enjoyable and informative my coles notes version was, I do recommend reading it in it's entirety, The 21 day Consciousness Cleanse by Debbie Ford.

Possibility Program

Day 21 of the 21 day consciousness cleanse is upon us.
It's not really a summation of everything we've learned thus far, that will come tomorrow.

The lesson for today is POSSIBILITY.

We've been through this process of cleansing, letting go, opening up and taking in.
We are to re-enter the world allowing in only what will nurture and nourish us. 

This will require saying no.
Having boundaries.
Trusting our instincts, intuitions, and inner guides.
We have a voice within us that is like a GPS, it takes us on the routes that are for our greater good. If we are not able to hear its voice, it can be a tightening in the stomach, or butterflies,or skin covering goosebumps, or spontaneous joy.
Within us lies the greatest operating system, programmed to ensure our happiness.

Just use it. Commit to it and trust it.
Maybe you'll end up in a new city.
Maybe you're back in school.
Maybe you set boundaries and say no.
Maybe you'll speak out when you used to say silent.
The POSSIBILITIES are endless.


Be inspired by WHO YOU ARE, not what you do.

I Heart You

Day 20. Compassion.
Our heart is our compass.
We are asked to "see" things differently. Instead of letting our hurts and judgements determine how we see and feel, let the goodness in us decide how to see and feel. We are to try to expand our perceptions of people, and reality...

Our hearts know we are here to learn, grow and evolve....our hearts know when we are authentic, honest and real.

a compassionate heart asks "how can I serve others?".
a compassionate heart knows that everyone is doing the best they can with what they've got.
a compassionate heart knows that people don't start out hoping they'll be abusive husbands, addicts, bullies or couch potatoes.
a compassionate heart sees that these people are limited by their "history".
a compassionate heart doesn't take everything so personally...for when we stop judging others, we don't feel judged ourselves.
a compassionate heart listens to the needs of others, says "I understand" and tells them how loved they are.


My favorite author Mike Dooley tells us "WE are the eyes and ears of God"
and by that, we can see and hear the good in everyone if we so choose.

Choose to see the good, be compassionate, and watch how much easier life becomes.

Leave your Mark

Purpose.
What's your purpose? Why are you here?
What do you want to be remembered for?
What do you want said about you at your funeral?
What legacy do you want to leave behind?


Begin now.
Life is very short, you can't postpone this. You have a unique contribution to make to the world.
Leave something behind.
Leave the world a little better than when you came in.
Disregard what you've been told you cannot do. Don't let your current circumstances dictate.
Nothing is too great or too small, you have the ability to leave a legacy.

I want to be remembered...
For the grand adventures I've taken.
For the courage I had to climb mountains, dive oceans and take flight.
For the help I gave to my friends.
For the open door policy I have for anyone who needs a safe place.
For the conviction I had to do the work, read the books, share the knowledge and lead by example.
For raising extraordinary children that are fearless and limitless.

That's all for now, but I'm sure there'll be more.


Tell me what you will leave behind...

No I in Team.

Day 18's lesson is trancendence. The best way to put this is to compare to that old adage of
there is no "I" in "team".

We aren't alone. We need help. We aren't meant to carry our burdens alone. The ego in us thinks we can or have to go it alone, but through trancendance we step out of the separateness of ego thinking and into a place where we know we are one with the universe.
This transcendence is an ego blow to our narcissistic arrogance, but also a huge relief at the same time.

Winning at Losing.

We can now resume day 17 -devotion.
We are asked to commit to live our best life, serve and be served, love and be loved. Our spiritual, emotional and physical well being is our priority. We nurture and nourish ourselves and know that there is nothing more important on the earth but US. We are all that matters right now.

No this isn't arrogance or selfishness, but devotion to chipping off anything that keeps our light from shining brightly.

My favorite client who is now a good friend, lost 125 lbs since I met her. She came to me as one of my first clients at the gym, with a 6 month old baby and toddler in tow, put them in childcare, and bought one of many 12 session packages.
Through many, many painful months of workouts, diet modifications and support, she started losing weight like crazy. This may have appeared selfish to some, the money spent paying someone to teach her to workout effectively, plus paying for two kids in childcare, the cost of vitamins, healthy food, new clothes; this was a huge investment in herself and her well being.
So now a few years later, she wears smaller sizes than me, has a great career and walks tall in her strength and beauty. Not surprisingly, her marriage ended when she shed the weight that she hid inside, and life has had its agonizing challenges, but I can guarantee the money and time she invested in herself was worth every penny. She knew this was work that needed to be done, and she did it. She is the strongest person I know, and her commitment is unending. She has lost the most weight of anyone I have ever met, and gained more than she ever thought possible.

That is extraordinary devotion to oneself.

The good news is.....We all have it in us.

The Substitution

Todays lesson is DEVOTION. Which is a bit ironic, as today I have multiple basketball games, at different locations at different times, and my parents are coming in to town. So today, the day I am to be devoted to my learning, and honoring my higher calling, I am substituting a poem for my words.
This is one of my favorites, I hope you enjoy it.

Flying without an Airplane

Day 16
Tough one for me. I'm not a big "God has a plan for you" type of person.
I am more of a "pay attention to what makes you tick, and go do that, and create the life you desire." type of person.

One feels like more proactive than the other. And who doesn't love being proactive? Us overachievers that are accomplishment driven and thrive on making a plan, carrying it out and feeling the pride of a job well done.. you know, us... the dream it -plan it- do it folks......

www.JOY.com

A few years ago my favorite magazine was National Geographic Adventure. I collected every issue as my "places I must see" collection. (and I've been knocking them off quite nicely) The tag line was DREAM IT.PLAN IT. DO IT. Which became my mantra before I even knew what a mantra was. I bought a ring that had the inscription, "if you can dream it, you can do it." I added this to all of my personal training materials, and it became my pretend website address. http://www.dreamitplanitdoit.com/. It's not my website, so don't bother checking it out. My friend Bosley, who left a horrible marriage to an abusive ass, we gave her the pretend website http://www.walkaway.com/. Lifepartners website was http://www.itiswhatitis.com/. I can't remember what O's was but it probably had something to do with licorice.

Oh, the things we talk about while hiking for hours in the arizona heat...

Congratulations!

Week three begins.

To summarize, week one was "the past''.

1.DESIRE....set the intention
2.SELF AWARENESS...look at the pain
3.RELEASE...let the pain go
4.FORGIVENESS...find the hidden wisdom
5.REVERENCE...honor yourself
6.SURRENDER...again, let it go
7.SELF ACKNOWLEDGEMENT...you are extraordinary

Week two was "the present".

8.LIBERATION...be reborn
9.RESPONSIBILITY...promise yourself to thrive
10.HUMILITY...we are one, help each other
11.ACCEPTANCE...this too shall pass
12.RISK...wake up
13.BE PRESENT...right now, find joy
14.TRUTH...choose to believe the good

Week three, with great momentum....we dive into "the future".

The author refers to a garden. We've pulled up the weeds of limiting beliefs, we've fertilized the soil, now we are ready to reseed the garden with fresh, high vibration thoughts.
This garden will bear fruit for the rest of our lives.

Laziness and Lies.

aaaahhhh.....the truth.....

How many of our old patterns and habits are not based in the truth?
How many agreements have we made with our lower self, or hidden contracts we've made with our ego?
The things we tell ourselves over and over that the people around us get sick of hearing?

The little list of lies I believe to be true......
1.I'm too fat to wear a bikini.
2.I'm a bad mother.
3.I'm not loving enough.
4.Oh the list goes on and on and on and on....

...but these are all lies. Things I choose to believe, when I know they aren't the truth.

Mountains in my Backyard.

Day 13...be present...

This is all there is. No tomorrow or yesterday. Just now.
This moment is unlike anything you've experienced before or ever will again.
When you are in the now, there is no past to haunt you, or pull you back, or overcome. There is no future to wish for, or race towards.
This is as good as it gets.

When you are present, you feel your feelings, (like the goosebumps when someone you love shares an epiphany), you listen to your body, you taste your food, (ever notice how much better food tastes in the quiet, not at a noisy restaurant making sure the kids are behaving), you express yourself, (things just all of the sudden make sense, or answers come clearly to you).

Of course, the past informs and teaches, and the future inspires us, but the moment of choice is the here and now.

Risky Business

I never had the opportunity to travel as a child. As an adult, I craved travel, change, excitement of any kind. I hated boredom, for me it led to depression and so I was always trying to keep that at bay. I remember telling the lady who babysat the boys (I went back to work part time, to fund my hiking adventures) about whatever adventure I was dreaming of, and she said to me "You have the worst case of wanderlust I have ever seen". That was the first time I had heard that word and I owned it with pride.
......Wanderlust.......

My travels with O were adventurous and nerve wracking. This was before the internet and maps on our phones, we had a rental car and a rental car map and tried to navigate our way through numerous locales. Our hilarious habit would be to stop at a gas station and ask "what town is this?" (We really didn't know where we were)
I wonder how we ever got anywhere in hindsight. But these are what adventures are made of.....oh the fun we'd have......how alive we felt....

It is What it is.......

Acceptance
Day 11
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference

I had this taped to my fridge for years......

Today we accept all that we are, all that we've been and all that we will be in the future.
Our past is our past, it will never be any thing different, there is nothing we can do to change it..
IT IS WHAT IT IS.......(lifepartners most favorite mantra)

A Little Help Please?

There's a Rascal Flatts song I came across a few months ago called "I Won't Let Go"
I downloaded it on my phone and played it constantly. I believe it was written by the songwriter for a child from a parent, or a song for a lover, but as time went on, I began to see it from a higher perspective.

The words go something like this....I will stand by you, I will help you through, when you've done all you can do, and you can't cope, I will dry your eyes, I will fight your fight, I will hold you tight and I won't let go......you think you're lost, but you're not lost, on your own, you're not alone....don't be afraid to fall, I'm right here to catch you, I won't let you down, you're gonna make it....

I Do.

Day 9 responsibility.

Good! Something easy.

Today we perform a marriage ceremony to ourselves.

I promise to love, honor, protect and respect the new, beautiful me that I have become.
I recognize that it is my job, and my job only, to care for this new adult that has decided her purpose is to tend to her hearts desires.
I will cherish and nurture myself, and see to my own happiness.
I have the power vested in me, to change the way I think, act, and move.
I set the boundaries, make the rules, decide to let go, and open up to possibility.
I am the guide, I know the way, I will deliver my desires. No one can do this for me or better than me.
I take myself by the hand, in my big-girl shoes and take the steps I need to take to live my best life.

Phew, what a day, I love my life.

The Past Died. The Funeral was Expensive.

Week one is over. I'm exhausted.

We've dealt with the past. We've learned why we've suffered that our suffering is rooted in misconception. We've learned that we are running on a treadmill to exhaustion trying to find something better or different than we already have.
We are still trying to squeeze ourselves into shoes that no longer fit.
These shoes are symbolic of who we were in the past.
They no longer fit.
We hide our greatness by wearing those old tight shoes, staying in jobs, relationships or habits that diminish us.
But these tight shoes are comfortable in a way, right? They've been with us when we've fallen to our knees, been knocked down with heartbreak and disappointment. They've seen our bruises from the painful moments, so out of fear we cling desperately to what we know. We can't even stand up in these stupid shoes, they are full of holes. But we hold onto them....Why?

The Day I Met My Goddess.

Day 7-Today we acknowledge ourselves. Yay!!!

Take a moment to consider how great you are. See how quickly you will release the past and rise out of hopelessness. As you affirm your gifts and strengths, your confidence will increase and the future will be brighter.
What do you value about yourself?.. the courageous actions you have taken, the things you have accomplished...

Go decade by decade and literally make a list, when you get the last few years go month by month.

Ask your friends and family what they love most about you and what they will remember about you when you die.

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark

I have the most amazing friend Jenna. I have known her for 20 years, and for the last 5 years, she has been battling the leukemia that entered her son when he was 3 1/2. The diagnosis came on Christmas Day.

Months before that, she knew he was not quite right. Was he a genious? Autistic? Either way, she had noticed a change in his dispositon, and recurring sicknesses and started looking into it.

Earlier that summer, she was given an inheritance and booked her dream hike in Argentina, to be departing on Dec 22 for a month. She paid for the hike, met with the training team and scoured the local mountains like the overachiever she is. Then she stumbled in the scree, fell and hurt her wrist badly. So badly, she felt she needed to cancel going to Argentina. With the refund, and the new difficulties she was having parenting an increasingly agitated toddler,  she used the money to go to therapy. Not just any therapy, but a camp in the woods where you recieve about 10 years of therapy in a week of seclusion.  She emerged a new person. So calm and whole, able to handle the fits of the son, able to meditate and ask for guidance. She was amazing.
A mere few months later, when the luekemia diagnosis came, she had what she needed to cope. She went to the hospital, administered the treatments, wrote a book, spoke to the media, with a grace and confidence that puzzled the rest of us. Because she was housebound, we spent hours on the phone, and her one constant knowing was this...EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR OUR GREATER GOOD.

Superstar

Day 5- finally an easy day......

I was an overweight child.
I was always the tallest, fastest, strongest, best athlete. I got the red ribbons, the trophies for mvp, the captain of the team. I served out entire volleyball games, and made the three point shot when it mattered. I played every sport, ran between school, sports, and babysitting. When high school ended, I went to post secondary, but lacked the confidence to try out for any sports teams. I took up running. I met O, and we blissfully ran everyday, and ran many races. We played ladies soccer, and soon took up hiking. We would hike anywhere we could, once I moved away from her, (worst day of my life) we would meet in the mountains as often as possible. I kept running, kickboxing, taking self defense classes. During my pregnancies, I would workout everyday, then after the babies, returned to my pre baby body in a mere 6 weeks. I played ladies basketball, went to bootcamps, joined a gym, got a personal trainer, became a personal trainer, morphed my body into an amazingly strong vessel and continued to do increasingly more difficult hikes, sea kayaking, mountain biking, triathlons and crazy mountain half marathons. Oh and yoga, not the relaxing kind, but the stand on your head,  do a wheel over my partners legs while he lays on the ground......yeah.....

Forgiveness=Freedom

Forgiveness. yes!
I've been waiting for this.
I've known forgiveness was key to happiness, and have wanted to explore it for quite some time, but the intellect in me couldn't just airy-fairy globally forgive anyone who has ever hurt me and in return ask for their forgiveness..
I need structure.

I did however, add to my daily visualization list the little thing from the Lords prayer "forgive me for my tresspasses as I forgive those who trespass against me" but that was as far as I got.
I'm not really a prayer person, I like to visualize and write and set intentions. Not that different, but in my mind it differentiates me from being "religious" and better defines me as "on a spiritual path".

Taking off my Backpack

Day 3
There are these shows on tv, Hoarders and Consumed, about people who fill their houses and basements with stuff, and grow attached to this stuff, and it becomes part of who they are. Being that I am new to the concept of daytime tv, I've only watched one complete episode of Consumed, (actually the same episode twice in one day) Which now using it as a comparison in my writing I know why.
We all know the concept, help shows up, the hoarder becomes kind of nutty, wanting the help but yet resisting losing something that defines her. The show progresses, all the clutter is gone, everyone is happy, small kids running through the newly cleared out living room playing with the one leftover box...happiness and freedom flows through the air like a summer breeze. For the icing on the cake, they uncover a treadmill, she starts working out and sheds 20 pounds before the end of the episode.

We all love shows about human transformation....

The Bad things that Good People do.

Ugh day 2. -seriously 19 more days of healing? groan....

This one was tough. I have previously read about the shadow effect and self sabotage and found it fascinating to discover how we will shoot ourselves in the foot, self sabotage, in order to change the situation we are in when we don't know how to get out. Deepak Chopra desribes this shadow side, giving examples of superstar athletes who have it all, and lose it all over a few incidences of indiscretion. Or the movie star or music star falls from stardom (or dies) due to drugs and alcohol when they have access to all of the help they need.

Within us lies a great body of pain and suffering, and if we don't honor this, face these demons, and move out of the darkness on our own, darn it, this "pain-body" will grow so large it will overcome us, do something completely out of character and destroy life as we know it.
Welcome to the shadow side.

Desire

Good Morning Students.

Today our lesson is about desire. It is the spark of all the fires within us. Our desires are with us at birth, like a hidden treasure chest of possibilities for us to discover as we grow and evolve into who we are meant to be. Hence the term "God-given talent" ....

Desire is a natural motivator, a catalyst for change. Some very human (and personal) examples are the bride-to-be that quickly and easily loses weight (say 40lbs) just months before the wedding...the desire to look good in a dress in front of a crowd is greater than the desire to eat another cookies by george...

Cleaning out my Closet

My yoga teacher has become one of my spirit guide-healer-gurus. She somehow knows the perfect thing to say to me in the perfect moment. I recently asked her to prepare a little guided meditation for me, just needed a little reminder to stay strong on this path. Instead, she gave me a book. The 21 Day Consciousness Cleanse. It is a gift from the universe, as is she, of this I have no doubt.

I was telling Naughty Lily about this process, and she asked if I was going to blog about it. I thought, God no, who would want to be a part of this? But I have come to know Naughty Lily as my voice of logic. She'd never admit it, but she is way more connected and brilliant than she'd ever give herself credit for. I adore her.

So today, with my new blogspot beckoning me, I will heed her recommendation, for she knows what I need when I do not...

The next 21 days will be about facing the darkness of my past, as well as its gifts and wisdoms, and in effect "give up" the self I've known myself to be...to create, you guessed it, a better me.

C'mon join me...it'll be a blast.

Of course, I will just write and share about the rainbows and butterflies...

The Experiment

I got to thinking about a part of the book "Eat, Pray, Love" where Liz Gilbert and her friend are naming people to put on a list or petition supporting her divorce and freedom. The exact details are a blur, but I can recall the concept of "collective belief" in something and the power that it holds.
A year ago, We met an author who explained to us in detail the mechanics of visualization, and that when we visualize together, it's almost supernatural, and indeed miracles happen.
Anyone who has a spare 20 seconds in their day today, tomorrow, and every day until further notice.....please send a happy thought our way, and we will be so grateful.

For a year, we have tried to visualize daily... living on our terms, simply and peacefully. We try to stay positive, and have faith that we are where we need to be. That there are great lessons that come with all challenges, and the rewards will be magnificent.

I've had some counseling. I know the only way to not look back with sadness is to look forward with hope. I literally have a new life unfolding before me, new surroundings, new energy, new goals and dreams, new challenges, new beginnings...

A new me. A better me.
The global visualization experiment begins.

My Wish

I asked Life Partner after he left, "if you died tomorrow, would you wish you had done anything differently?"

He answered with a confident "no".
I think of the Garth Brooks song "If tomorrow never comes"... "would she know how much I loved her, is the love I gave her in the past going to be enough to last...if tomorrow never comes..."
We all know how the song goes...

We both had the realization that indeed, we are living our best life. We make time for each other, for friends and loved ones. We parent with no anger or yelling, with as much patience as possible. We travel, we see the beauty in the world, even when "our world" is NOT pretty at all. We have profound reflections, grandiose dreams, and are unaccepting of the limitations of being normal. We are deeply aware of our sorrow, and the betrayals we've experienced, yet we remain open and trusting and joyful.

We often wish for things to get easier for us, for the battles to be over, for freedom and closure. We wish for the best and fairest outcome. We wish for grace and calm and the ability to forgive and forget. We wish for new beginnings...but we don't wish we had done anything differently for we wouldn't be where we are.
We are together. We are alive.

Traveltherapy

It's a new word combination I created this week after a riveting conversation over dinner at the fine restaurant we chose to attend.
The menu had many delicacies; seafood, beef, pork and...hen.

Me: "groan. What will I eat? They all sound equally unappealing. I guess I could have cornish hen. I think that's like a chicken, but is it a female?"
Life Partner: "I don't know, I thought all chickens were female."
Me: "What? Then what's a rooster?"
LP: "A male chicken I guess, but I'm pretty sure they kill all the male chickens and we just eat the females."
Me: "WHAT? I've been eating the females? God...females have a hard enough time in this world, if I'd have known that, I wouldn't be eating it. Why don't we eat the male chickens?"
LP: "They're tough or taste bad or something...I don't know! I'll google it when we get back."
Me: " New York strip it is -well done"

Karma

Karma is a topic that has me curious. We are led to believe "do unto others as we want done unto us" and that "what comes around goes around".
In my spiritual journey, I have followed one principle first. "give it all up to get it all back".

To summarize some of what we have given........
We have helped friends starting businesses, taken friends (one recovering from cancer) on hiking trips to Kuaii and Arizona. We helped finish a perilous basement reno attempt after the jerk husband drained the bank account and left our friend with two kids destitiute.We helped find a part time job for a friend who left a depressing desk job to follow her dream of being a writer. We gave a friend her first 1000 copies of her childrens book about her son's fight with luekemia, and donated them to schools, hospitals, and doctors offices around the province.
We helped a friend get beds for her kids after she separated, and provided her with support while she nursed her cancer stricken mother at home until she passed. We opened our home for 6 months to an abused client and her young friend. We found the young girl a car, and lent them enough gym equipment to start a small gym from home. We have found a home for another friend with (another abusive husband) for her three girls and her to have for a while. She introduced us to the girls as "the christmas angel". We gave our spare vehicle to a friend, after she was rear-ended helping us move. Her car was a write off and her ex kept the insurance payout.  This is only a partial list.......What we give up is help and emotional support, and an open door policy on our home.